Inventory control

Hung over today...it's 11pm an the head ace is still present, pounding on my for head. It's nothing like a good head ace to remind you how great the night before was..or in some cases how bad it was an so not worth the torturing pain you're left with today..
And no matter how many times you tell yourself that you're never going to drink that much again, you know it's a lie..oh how fast we forget the pain, and how hard it hits when we are reminded yet again.

Watched the last part of 'Revolutionary Road' today, with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. It's such a great movie, because it portraits what so many of us are so scared of - being just mediocre, giving up the dream..the fear of not living.

There's this quote, by Leonardo's character Frank, that stuck with me;

"Knowing what you've got, knowing what you need, knowing what you can live without
- that's inventory control."

Is that the key to it all? That's one lucky person who has those answers. The inventory control of myself could definitely be better.

todays quote

On one of my facebook browsing sessions I found this quote on a friends profile(an actual friend, not just "facebook friends"..by the way I hope I get to see him soon)

"I think there should be a class on drugs. It should be a class on sex education. A REAL sex education class. There should be a class on police brutality. There should be a class on apartheid. There should be a class on why people are hungry, but there's not. There are classes on...gym. You know what i mean? Physical education. Let's learn volleyball."
- Tupac

not to be said out loud...

but I just watched a whole episode of The Hills...

I've sinned before and it made me feel good..
I sinned tonight and I feel like shit.
Let's face it...it is crap
Too many OH MY GODs.
Too much of the crapness

I've sinned for the last time

P.S. It was so much better when Lauren was still there

I wanna be with you

The biggest fear of all...

Being alone

It's what makes us go that extra mile, try yet again, forgive just one last time, cry those tears over and over and keep holding on...standing up straight when all you want to do is hide, smiling when all you want to do is scream..

Because maybe, just maybe, it's all worth it. It might make you happy. Happiness is like playing keno and chess at the same time...it's about making a lot of wise choices, mixed with a little bit of luck. But then again maybe you don't need any games..maybe its all about just choosing to be happy. Or all of the above..who knows, some people are crap at keno but great at chess and vice-versa. I guess if you play chess you can practise, learn from your mistakes and think before you act..if you go with keno all you can do is get another beer and pray for the best..

The lost words

Just then I was sitting on my dads balcony, reading Vagabond (love it love it love it) and as usual my mind starts running wild with thoughts, dreams, wishes, questions..I believe it's called inspiration..
But now, in front of the computer, it's nowhere to be found..not the good words anyway, the words that where present only a few moments ago..where do they go? Does stage fright somehow apply to words? Was it something I did or didn't do?

If I could carry my laptop with me anywhere than maybe the words won't so easily dissapear..(technically I could carry my laptop everywhere, but it's just too much..I'm a little person, I need small things..)
I've started carrying a little note book (the old fassion one of paper, not an apple notebook)
with the hope that writing down thoughts as the decide to pop up would help. To a certain degree it does, it's just that the really good words still go missing..looking at my notes a few hours later, the magic is not there..it's out there somewhere, but it's nowhere on that piece of paper.

Solution? (without puchasing a very small apple notebook, and glasses to be able to read my own words on that very small apple botebook)
Practise..put the magical words on paper, not the fill in words..keep it short but informative..a few hours or even a day later I still have to be able to see the thoughts that are hidden behind those few key words

Seem easy? Yeah well it's not